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 We were kids that we once knew

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Shali
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Shali

Posts : 14575
Join date : 2009-06-24
Location : Now, now. That would be telling.

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Name: Lana
Level: 1
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PostSubject: We were kids that we once knew   We were kids that we once knew Icon_minitimeSat Mar 30, 2019 9:25 am

A decade ago, as barely a teenager, I made this forum. I had big, grand plans at the time- I dreamed of it becoming a permanent fixture in my life, of it someday becoming huge and grand. And while maybe it never became what I dreamed of- it still became, in it's own way, something beautiful and amazing. For the first time in my life, I had something to be proud of, somewhere I felt like I belonged. I didn't have a single clue what I was doing- the coding for the old background was a hodge-podge thrown together by me and Aqua, without any guides looked up as we flailed to try to make it work. The rules list was absurd, our policies were inconsistent as hell- but we were having fun. And at that age, that was what really mattered to me.

These days, I look back at the old roleplays, cringing at my writing skill, but still smiling as I remember just how much fun I had. I first learned the basics of roleplay etiquette here, how to roll with the punches and accept the dice rolls. My plotlines were absurdly obvious, the 'twists' either could be seen from a mile away or were literally thrown in on the fly, my characters were inconsistent, and I had no clue what an appropriate power level was- but somehow, we made it work. Somehow, with gods afraid of styrofoam, giant badgers, a frankly absurd amount of dragons, a horde of literal children, and gratuitous nudity, we managed to wrap up many plotlines in satisfactory fashions, or tangle them into incomprehensible knots of overlapping plots. And I loved every second of it. Even as I cringe looking at what I wrote- I still think of it fondly.

I'm not exaggerating when I say you guys saved my life. After everything that happened with a certain nameless asshole, I was actively suicidal. I didn't even tell my parents what happened for four years. There were more than a few times when I stopped myself because I remembered that I had a responsibility to everyone here. (One I took way more seriously than it really was, but, well, I was a teenager. It's not really all that surprising.) And later, after this place died- there's a few chats I still come back to and read, on bad days, because I get warm fuzzies from them. (The one where the other admins were all in a rage because of how a Certain Asshole was treating me I've actually shown to my therapist. I've considered printing it out and putting it in my coping skills binder.)

I never really appreciated you guys enough, but- thank you, guys, for everything. Thank you for trying to warn me that he was a pedophilic asshole. (He was by the way, you were right about that Squird, and if he ever makes the mistake of contacting me again his ass is going to jail.) Thank you for getting me to stop making excuses for him, for telling me that what he was doing wasn't okay. Thank you for giving me somewhere I could feel safe and be myself. Thank you for putting up with my inconsistencies, and thank you for being my support network for all those years.

There's so much I want to say, but I don't have the words. This place was such a huge piece of my childhood- even when things got bad, when the forum got hacked, whenever drama cropped up- this was somewhere I thought of as home for years. It's strange, coming back to it now and realizing the last message posted was three years ago. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that we were all fooling around in the original War Torn. I'm not going to try to bring this place back this time- I'm okay letting this chapter of my life close.

This is Shali, signing off.

(And one more time- thanks for the memories, even when they weren't so great.)
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